The Story in Your Head Is Costing You

The hidden habit that undermines your influence before a word is spoken

Ever wondered why conversations with certain people never seem to go your way? There’s a good chance it has less to do with them and more to do with the assumptions you carry into the room.

There’s a story I’ve always liked, not so much for the plot, but for the lesson buried within it.

A farmer is fixing a boundary fence when he snaps the handle of his shovel.

“No problem,” he thinks. “I’ll borrow Mick’s from next door.”

So off he goes, a ten minute walk with nothing but his own thoughts for company.

Halfway there, doubt creeps in. “Maybe he won’t lend it to me. He might laugh at me for breaking mine.”

A few more steps and the story in his head grows. “He can be a bit funny sometimes. Might just say no.”

By the time he reaches his neighbours driveway, the narrative is fully formed.

“He’s a miserable old thing. He’ll refuse, have a quiet chuckle to himself, and I’ll have wasted my time walking all the way here.”

He knocks on the door, already frustrated. Mick opens it, but before he can speak, the farmer snaps.

“You can shove your shovel. I don’t want it anyway.”

And with that, he turns and storms off, defeated before a single word has been exchanged.

It’s a simple story, but it lands because it’s familiar. We do this more often than we care to admit. How many conversations do we walk into already convinced they won’t go our way? How often do we sit in a meeting thinking, “What’s the point, this won’t change anything?” We rehearse the worst case, build a narrative that hasn’t happened yet, then act as if it already has.

That’s fortune-telling in its most unhelpful form and once you’ve convinced yourself of the outcome, your behaviour quietly follows. Your tone shifts, posture closes and words sharpen. The conversation never really had a chance.

Nowhere is this more visible than at work. Conversations with colleagues, with leaders, with people we need something from. If you walk in expecting resistance, you’ll often find it, even if it wasn’t there to begin with.

The alternative is simple, but not easy. Catch the story before it runs away from you. Walk into conversations with curiosity rather than conclusion. Keep your eyes open, your ears ready, and your mind just open enough to allow a different outcome.

You might be surprised how often things go your way when you stop deciding they won’t.